The Amazing Mind of Byakuya
by Fanchick111
Summary: i quick look into the 'amazing mind' of the captian. no flames please! includes a lot of byakuya bashing, so whatever. dont like, dont read. CHAPTER 2 NOW UP!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:: hey, fanchick here!! Ya, so I decided to express how stupid and annoying I feel Byakuya is. So, this is a oneshot about what is going on in his head. Yes, this shows the true stupidity of the so-called "noble". What a moron.**

_This means that Byakuya's thinking!!_

**Disclaimer:: I do not own… blah blah blah…**

"You are NOT going to the world of the living, and that's FINAL!"

"You can't tell me what to do!"

"Oh ya? Watch me!"

"Brother, you are so unfair!"

Rukia and Byakuya were debating the return of Rukia to the living world. And just for the record, Byakuya was winning.

Rukia stomped off angrily to the squad 13 barracks to sulk over nii-chan's decision. He thinks he's so great! She thought angrily. I am as muck his sister as I am his comrade!

What goes on in that thick skull anyway?! She thought again.

But, the truth is, she didn't WANT to know…

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO what the captain is thinking OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_She is so arrogant, now. It's probably because she hangs out with that hotheaded Ichigo guy. _

_Man, he has odd hair. It's ORANGE for god's sake! Who does ORANGE hair? What a loser. My hair, however, is gorgeous. _

_Long black waves of beauty. I wonder if switching to Dove will change my hair texture…hmmmm…_

_Why do I wear these ridiculous metal plates in my hair, any who? What are they for? I'm not trying to get HBO in my head or anything! Besides, TV distracts me. But I do love Food Network! Man, Rachel Ray can cook! _

_I do enjoy cooking… and eating… I wonder, will getting so much make me fat? Omg, I will lose my perfect figure! That would be HORRIBLE! I need some more Slim Fast._

_I wonder why they call it slim fast? Does it make you slim? Does it work fast? God, I wish they told you this on the label! They never make fine print readable. But, I should be thankful. That's how I became a captain. _

_The contract said, 'must be strong' but, in fine print it said, 'strong mentally, and emotionally'. _

_I am not very mentally strong, lord knows I am not very smart, and if they saw how hard I cried when Laurie broke up with Dan on my favorite soap, I would never even be considered! _

_I do love soap operas. So lovely. But why do they call it soap operas? They don't sing and they have nothing to do with bubbles or taking a bath._

_I wonder if Renjii likes taking bathes. I like mine hot, but not TOO hot, just kind of a cuddly, teddy bear hot. _

_I have this new rubbery ducky for my bathes I got from a Family Fun magazine that I named Joey. I even made him a tiny wooden zampatou named squeakers! IT'S SO CUTE!!_

_But, I must stay focused…what was I doing? Ummmmm…. I think I was about to take a bath. Now I must find Joey…JOEY WHERE ARE YOU?_

OOOOOOOOOO BACK WITH RUKIA OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Well, he must have a good reason for not letting me go… Thought Rukia. He is really focused on work. Maybe he just needs a few hours to himself.

The reaper left the issue to rest and went to the living world anyway. Don Kanoge was on tonight! No WAY she would obey her brother tonight…BWAHAHAHAHA!

**Kk, so that's it! Sorry for the shortness of it… I hope u enjoyed it!!**

**Over and out, -fanchick :3**


	2. AN

A/N:

Hey guys, this is Fanchick.

this was originally a one-shot, but people are telliing me to write more, so i will!! you guys are the best; no kidding. i love the reviews, supposrt, and complemtnts!! seriously, give yourself a pat on the head.

however; i have a slight mishap. i have absolutly no ideas for this particualr fiction. so, if you want me to continue this, an idea or two would be REEEALLY nice of you. i will think of some ideas myself, but this authoress would be very satisfied with her life if maybe you guys could give her a hand.

i know this is asking a lot, but please a patient with me. i will continue trying, and you just keep being awesome.

if you can help, please Reply my message, send me an email, or gimme a review; I would be GRATEFUL.

Also, thanks to all my readers who are stickin with me and my 'not updateing-ness', and reading my other stories. You guys are the greatest!!again

-Fanchick111

if you are sending me an idea to me via email, please note the Subject column "Fanfiction Help"…just so I don't accidentally delete it. That would suck.


	3. Chapter 2

**Ah, a new chapter!! This was originally a One-shot, but, you wanted another chapter, so i did my best. \****i think it's reletivly longer, (maybe a paragraph. dont fool yourself, Fanchick) so i hope it still sounds alright. also, new story ideas? i want to write more bleach. they are a heck- of-a-lot-of-fun to write!! anyway, do enjoy!! **

**Old Bya-kun is still a moron. Stupid Noble.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN. but if i did...well, lets just say, Kuchki would be my personal plaything. FOR-EV-UR.**

Byakuya Kuchki rose from his long nap. After briefly touching his fingers to his hair, making sure it was gloriously perfect; he sat up, and brushed off his arrogant tushie.

Just then, his vice came into his office, much unannounced.

This made the Captain very upset, though he did not show much of it.

"Taicho, you have an emergency meeting, at this moment! The General Yamamoto is requesting your presence, Sir!" Renji spit all this out in one very long breath. Byakuya would have been impressed with him if it wasn't for his own big headedness.

The Taicho sighed heavily. This small encounter of absolute body language left Renji shuffling apprehensively. You see, this Byakuya Kuchki loved to see his subordinates squirm.

For this reason, he let that annoyance seep into his poor Vice's brain, until he felt he had done enough damage.

"Very Good. Now be gone, Renji. Acually-" he stopped the man in the doorway now, "finish my paper work. I will probably be gone for a long time now."

Renji barely hid a scowl. It seemed the only one who enjied paperwork around here was Histugaya. But, alas. This Captain had bigger thoughts than Abarii's discomfort.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOOOOOOOOOOOoOoooooOOoooOOOoOO

_Oh, another captain's meeting. It will probably be the same stuff as usual- windbag Yamamoto probably just wants to tell us he is cutting our saleries again. Wonderful_

_But not as wonderful as me…in fact, none of the captains are! I myself, am, so very amazing, the others just rot in me presence! Especially that Ukitake…_

_Ukitake is the most jealous of me. I was once his superior, I see, but…no wait…I am STILL that man's superior! Even when I was below him I was above him! And my goodness, I just know that he was hitting on me half the time! He was always talking about how we need to be a team, and whatnot. Well, I don't need a team! I don't NEED a squad behind me, I am INVINCABLE! INVINCABLE, I TELL YOU!_

_Invincible…like Aizen Souske. He seems like a powerful fellow. Really, I think that he is going to be a good model to soul society someday. He will be the man to turn us all around! I can feel it. I know it, actually. I know everything._

_Speaking of knowing everything, I think that one guy…what's his name…Mayuri? Yeah, him! What a DUCHE BAG. I look s much prettier than that fat cow! Whilst his face is all white and messed up looking, mine is beautiful. I am so beautiful, I think I will look at myself as I pass this window..And…._

_Yeah..I _am_ beautiful._

_I am much more beautiful than Unohana, for sure. To be honost, a duck is more attractive than that…she-male! What is she..Part man? Or does she wish she was a man, for she wears her hair in that ridiculous braid! I'm very sorry that she has to do so much to make it look like that. I am naturally gorgeous, and I can just wake up lovely. Maybe she is just in denial of her own ability. Yes, that's right! Maybe she wants to be a fighter, and not a lover!_

_Soi Fong is a true fighter. Jeez, that kid is so obsessed with her work, she doesn't even have time for that girlfriend of hers! I bet that's why Yoruichi left her. Poor thing. Yoruichi, I mean. Not that…crude monster! I swear to Joey, I walked past her and she didn't even notice my presence! Can you beleave that monster?!_

_Komamura is a monster. I think..or a dog. I saw his with his basket off, and he was getting MY kibbles and bits while Iba brushed his head! His PUPPY HEAD! It reminds me how much I like puppies…so cute…and cuddly..and soft…note to beauty: tell Renji to buy me a puppy. So cute…!_

_Cute? Like…Yachiru? Ah, we are so alike! I pretend I don't like her at all….but I really, really do! In fact, I think she is so much like me, it's scary! I wanted that confetti candy, darn nit! Anyway, she eats all of my…_

_Hold the phone, I left my box of candy in the room! I was going to give some to Kenpachi! Oh, if only he knew how much I was turned on by those little bells of his! Ah, I just want to bring him into my office for a little 'us time' I'm sure he would consider my presence. Growl he just makes me want to…well, to tell him to fix my hair! It's always good to have another hair stylist. Ah, the wants of a wonderful captain._

_I really want to go watch my soap tonight. Maybe Rangiku and Momo will join me…they keep silent about the whole matter when I offer them sake and coloring crayons…odd, huh?_

_Speaking of odd, now that I really relize it, how the heck can Hitsugaya get into Soul Society? He is so little, and small, and helpless….poor little guy. I get he needs Joey, he's so alone! Or mayhap a boosterseat. Yes, he doesn't look that big. Maybe the size of a walnut…._

_Walnuts, I adore walnuts. They are so crunch-tastic. Yum yum. Crunch crunch crunch…ah HA! I can create a new race with walnuts!! I shall pro-create a new species! Wow, will Yachiru be happy or what…_

_Oh, shoot. I am already here. (sigh) I hate meetings. They are so dull._

OoOooooOOOOooOOOOOOoOOOOooOOOOoOOOOooooOOOoooOOOooooOO

Yamamoto punched his fist down on the table, calling for order. "Captains, I have very serious news." He began loudly. "Because of my new back-pains, and a new hair-growth trial run amuck, I am cutting your pay…"

Captain's meetings. Oi.

**Thanks for reading!! Plz review!! - Fanchick**


End file.
